Brand New Christian Black Metal One Man Band Set To Release Ten Albums By Next Tuesday

South Carolina, USA – Local teenager Tommy Jones was seen posting on his Facebook account the announcement of his new Christian Black Metal band. In the post he detailed that he was sick and tired of there being no quality Christian Black Metal these days. The South Carolinian teen, who only recently discovered the band Horde, had made it his personal obligation to “revive a dead scene, which like only one or two bands in the 90s had done anything for…”

Local sources had confirmed that the young man was looking into ways on how to make these albums. “He has been coming to me for lessons for about a month or so now, I am sure he will be able to play Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple soon” commented Mr. Jones’ guitar teacher. Other members of Tommy’s community were well unaware of what was going on, when Tommy’s youth pastor was questioned, all the young pastor could give in response was a look of confusion.

Tommy’s mom recently reported that her son had recently discovered a free trial for the digital drum program called BeatCraft and the free recording program called Audacity. “Man, oh man, I am so tired of there like being no heavy extreme Christian musicians. This all changes now! I have been listening to Cradle of Filth for at least like a year now, I have totally got this music thing down. How hard could it be? All I need to do is play fast and scream a lot. I am shocked no one else has done this yet” said the optimistic and determined teen. “I could like record ten albums by next Tuesday, I already did a photoshoot for each album in my backyard, this should be easy!”

Near publishing time Tommy Jones had updated his Facebook with a status asking for help for choosing between the band names “Verily, Verily” or “Attacking Evil Demons Hard”